Why Can't I let go?
by ilostmyplace
Summary: She knew now that all the murmured 'I love you's were all a lie, but why does he still haunt her?


So this is my first time posting fan fiction of any sort, I've never been big into writing stories about anime series and such, I normally opt at writing original stories with my own characters. Anyway, just because I don't write fan fiction doesn't mean I don't love to read it, and one of my favorite pairings happens to be Hinata/ Sasuke. So, I was going through some music on my computer, deleting some of the stuff my friend had downloaded and I stumbled on the song Ghost of you and me by Bbmak, I was struck with inspiration. I suggest you listen to it while reading this.

This one shot is loosely based off the song and is also AU to an extent, I hope you like it. I do like constructive criticism but for my sake could you please be gentle since this is my first attempt?

Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto, Masashi Kishimoto does.

**Title: Why can't I let go?**

**Rating: T**

**Type: One shot**

**Authoress: ilostmyplace**

-

She was here again sitting in his study, curled up in the very chair he would constantly sit in, behind the desk that he fell asleep on more than once after having poured over many books and scrolls. Her milky eyes seemed to hold a sad blue tint from the light that hardly came in through the windows. There wasn't a lot of moon light as big puffy clouds rolled by, yet there was just enough to make her look like a corpse, frozen in time. Her black hair that held tints of blue and violet falls over her slim shoulders carelessly hanging around her like a curtain, her pale skin shimmered just enough to make her look like a specter. She hardly cared what she looked like, it's not like he was there to see her.

Slowly she rose from the chair after a long while of thinking and a long while of holding back tears. She was so tired of crying but she still continued to shed tears over him, she just couldn't let go of the memories even if she meant nothing to him. She knew all the whispered mummers of 'I love you.' Were a lie, how could he love her when he left her without even a second glance back?

Walking down the hall way she fought off the echo's of his voice that played over in her mind, she'd still give anything to hear that voice, even though it wasn't always kind. She'd admit that she should have known this would happen, after all she was married to him because she was suppose to be the cage that kept him in Konoha, the reason he wouldn't leave. Who were they trying to fool, he'd left once to join the snake Orochimaru so he could get power, even though he killed the horrid man and came back they all knew he'd leave again, he was an avenger.

How could she have been so stupid to think he actually fell in love with her? He was just living a lie and biding his time, and she was stupid enough to start believing the lie. Not only had she failed in her mission, she had gotten herself hurt in the process and been played for a fool, how pathetic could she get?

The pale woman looked up as she heard the floor boards creak somewhere down the dark hallway, could it be? "S-Sasuke?" She called, her eyes for a moment having some form of life flash through them once again. Her heart thumped in her chest as she literally rushed down the hallway of the house, only to feel her heart sink as she came to an open window that was creaking and swinging a bit from the wind.

'_Stop being silly. He isn't come back to you.'_ The voice in her head said and it spoke the truth, but she just wasn't ready to give in, so she continued to torture herself. Looking out the window her eyes scanned over the terrain all the way to the pond with its lone dock, everything looked as gloomy as she felt.

It'd been months since that night, she had woken up to the sound of their window creaking and a cool breeze against her skin. She'd moved closer to the side of the bed she knew Sasuke was occupying, her sleep mind hadn't registered that she'd fallen asleep in his arms so she should be up against him. That all changed though when she moved a bit and felt no warmth, her hand didn't even connect with anything when she allowed it to roam over the sheets.

She remembered having woken up with a start and called his name but received no reply. From there she got up and frantically searched everywhere, only to catch a glimpse of the avenger through the window she had just shut. Her feet lead her through the motions she had taken that night, though a good deal slower, leading her out the back door down the worn path and to the dock he'd been standing on. She still remembered how he looked at her, with his Sharingan activated, not with the loving dark eyes she had finally grown to know.

Tears finally fell from her sorrow filled eyes distorting her reflection as she fell to her knees at the edge of the dock, just like that night. She remembered how he had looked at her with hard, emotionless, red eyes, when he had first seen her again, not long after he had come back with Naruto. That had been the day they were informed of their soon to be marriage, she knew he wanted to object as did she, but neither said a word for different reasons. After a short time though he would stop looking at her with those eyes, he had finally figured out it made her nervous.

"W-why Sasuke, w-why di-did you hah-have to leave?" She stuttered, something she had actually grown out of after marrying him, she was still shy but some how the annoying choking of words had stopped. She knew why he left, to kill his brother and probably get killed in the process, but she hated to acknowledge the fact her love wasn't enough to get him to stop. She wasn't enough to him, she was nothing, just something to warm his bed and keep him occupied while he found some leads on his murderous brother.

Despite how warm it was outside a shiver ran up her spine, it was from loneliness more than the breeze that was dancing around. Her friends were always there for her, in the beginning when she thought there was no way the marriage would work and he sent her away crying with the hurtful things he said. Even down to when he left and she curled in on herself, they were there, but none of that could save her from slowly dying without him; their friendship just wasn't enough for once.

The tears continued to leak from her eyes, causing brown dots on the wood, but she couldn't pull herself up from the hunched over position on her knees. She just couldn't do it anymore, couldn't stand the memories that replayed in her mind, couldn't stand the hurt that washed over her daily, couldn't stand the loneliness. He'd stolen her heart and soul, it was no use trying to live anymore, why was she hanging on?

Wiping away her tears with the back of her hand she stood up, she knew what she had to do. There was determination in her eyes, something that had been missing for months as she made her way back to the house. Walked through the halls and reaching their bed room after a good while, though she was determined she couldn't be bothered to go very fast, she just couldn't muster the strength, she felt so tired and weak.

Opening the door she entered first stopping at their bed and sitting on his side, picking up his pillow. Holding it close to her chest and burring her face into it she could just barely pick up the last wisps of his scent, it was almost gone just like her. She remembered the night before he left, they had made love, though normally it was rough and more on the rough and passionate side, that night he'd been gentle with her, it wasn't odd he was like that now and again, but he'd never murmured so many sweet nothings to her for so long after he thought she was sleeping. She should have known something was wrong.

She just kept reliving those nights they spent with each other, every time she closed her eyes or entered their room, it was like sleeping with his ghost. It was slowly driving her to wit's end. End - The end seemed to be wonderful at this point.

Standing up she placed his pillow down and headed for the double doors that lead to their balcony, opening them she stepped out with gentle soundless steps. She got onto the railing that went around the balcony, using the skills she had learned as a ninja to stay balanced. The drop was far down, she knew that once she was on her way down there was no going back, and she actually welcomed the idea.

She waited a few moments, just barely clinging to the hope she'd feel his warm strong arms around her. The feeling never came. Her mind was made up completely now, no more hesitating.

Leaning forward she started to slip off the railing, everything was going in slow motion for her about the first five seconds but everything was thrown into normal time when she felt arms wrap around her and snatch her off the rail and hold her to a firm chest. Warm breath danced across her ear as the person's deep voice reverberated through her. "Please, Hinata don't." The words shook her as did the voice, there was only one person that voice could belong to, but he wasn't coming back this couldn't be real.

Turning around in the person's arms she saw the object that had been haunting her and she felt a strangled cry escape her throat. Looking down at her, directly into her shocked milky lavender eyes were a completely opposite set of black ones. Her mouth moved a few times but she couldn't get anything to come out, instead she just wrapped her arms around the man and buried her face into his chest and cried, the strong arms that grabbed her tightening just a bit more.

"I'm so sorry, Hinata." The words were sincere, she could pick up the slight tone change in his voice. "S-sasuke, I missed ya-you so mah-much." She choked out as he softly rubbed her back, and let her cry the tears of pain he knew that he'd caused. "Shhh - It's okay now, I'm here." He wasn't else what sure to say, but it was enough for her, it was going to be okay now.

She mildly registered as he picked her up and carried her back into their room, laying her down on their bed covering her up before getting in himself. He wrapped his arms around her protectively as her cries died down and she rolled over to face him, all the while snuggling closer. It didn't take her long to give into exhaustion and fall asleep, knowing that she wasn't alone anymore, when she woke up tomorrow there would be someone there. She was no longer sleeping with a ghostly memory, it had been worth not letting go any sooner.

-

I gave it a happy ending, I do have an alternate sad ending but I didn't think I should but that one up with this. I hope you enjoyed.


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